Censored Mother Goose

We enjoy browsing in secondhand bookstores on off hours and we discovered a little volume the other afternoon that considerably brightened our day. It was a thirty-year-old book of Mother Goose rhymes and the only special thing about it was that several words in each verse had been deleted. The book was dedicated to The Censors, who have taught us to read naughty meanings into harmless words, and we were very amused by the way these innocent rhymes from the nursery could be changed by simply eliminating words and phrases.

Back at our desk, we tried "censoring" a few verses of our own, and think you may enjoy the results. None of the rhymes have been changed – words have simply been deleted. We suggest that in reading aloud, you pronounce the censored spaces as u-m-m-m-h.

The booklet was published in 1926, but its message makes as much sense now as then. It closed with a postscript observing that these rhymes have given pleasure to generations and that this version makes a new claim as amusing nonsense. But even more important than jingle or nonsense is the clear demonstration of the effect of censorship upon anything it touches.

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To;

Jack fell down and broke his,

And Jill came tumbling after.

During Jack's convalesence, Jill may be reached at Hillside 4-2673.

Old King Cole

Old King Cole was a merry old soul,

And a merry old soul was he;

He and,

And he his fiddlers three.

The decadence of monarchy clearly illustrated.

Georgie Porgie

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,

the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to,

Georgie Porgie ran away.

He who and runs away

Lives to another day.

There was a Little Girl

There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her;

And when she was good she was very, very good,

But when she was bad she was horrid.

We prefer a date we can count on.

Three Little Kittens

Three little kittens, they lost their,

And they began to cry,

"Oh, Mother, dear, we greatly fear,

That we have lost our."

"What, lost your, you naughty kittens!

Then you shall have no pie."

Meow, meow, meow, meow,

Then you shall have no pie.

Big deal, no pie!

When I was a Little Girl

When I was a little girl,

I:

Now that I'm a big girl,

I roll in golden riches.

Virtue may be its own reward, but sin pays better.

Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,

Eating her curds and whey;

Along came a spider, who beside her,

And frightened Miss Muffet away.

Nasty arachnid!

See-Saw, Margery Daw

See-saw, Margery Daw,

Jenny shall have a new master;

She shall have but a penny a day,

Because she can no faster.

Speed isn't everything.

Sing a Song of Sixpence

Sing a song of sixpence,

A pocket full of rye;

Four and twenty blackbirds

Baked in a pie;

When the pie was opened,

The birds began to;

Wasn't that a dainty dish

To set before the king?

If that was the desert, tell us about the main course.

Solomon Grundy

Solomon Grundy,

on Monday,

on Tuesday,

on Wednesday,

on Thursday,

on Friday,

Died on Saturday,

Buried on Sunday,

That was the end

Of Solomon Grundy.

A short life, but a merry one.

Goosey, Goosey Gander

Goosey, goosey, gander, where do

I wander?

Upstairs and downstairs, in my

lady's chamber.

There I met an old man who would;

I took him by his and

threw him down the stairs.

Rough treatment, but certainly deserved. (concluded on next page)Mother Goose(continued from preceding page)

Mary had a Little Lamb

Mary had a little lamb,

Its fleece was white as snow;

And everywhere that Mary went,

The lamb was sure to.

Pets should be better trained before taking them into public.

Bobby Shaftoe's gone to Sea

Bobby Shaftoe's gone to sea,

Silver buckles on his knee;

He'll come back and me,

Pretty Bobby Shaftoe!

Pretty is as pretty does.

Little Bo-Peep

Little Bo-Peep has her sheep,

And can't tell where to find them;

Leave them alone, and they'll come home,

Wagging their tails behind them.

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Peter, Peter Pumpkin-Eater

Peter, Peter, pumpkin-eater,

Had a wife and couldn't her;

Put her in a pumpkin shell,

And there he her very well.

Halloween fun!

Wee Willie Winkie

Wee Willie Winkie through the town,

Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown,

at the window, crying through the lock,

"Are the children all in bed, for it's eight

o'clock!"

This kid Winkie should be locked up!

A Diller, a Dollar

A diller, a dollar, a ten o'clock;

What makes you so soon?

You used to at ten o'clock,

And now you at noon.

Clock watchers are one of our pet hates.

Three Blind Mice

Three blind mice, three blind mice,

See how they, see how they.

They all run after the farmer's wife;

She cut off their with a carving knife.

Did ever you see such a sight in your life,

As three blind mice?

No, but we once had a cat and a dog that were uncommonly affectionate.

On Monday

on Monday, for danger;

on Tuesday, kiss a stranger;

on Wednesday, get a letter;

on Thursday, something better;

on Friday, for sorrow;

on Saturday, see your sweetheart tomorrow.

Sweetheart or no sweetheart, we think this fellow had better rest on Sunday.

Where has my Little Dog gone?

Oh, where, oh, where has my little dog gone?

Oh, where, oh, where can he be?

With his cut short and his tail cut long,

Oh, where, oh, where is he?

Wherever he is, you can be sure he's behaving himself.