The Handling of Women in Business

During the past year of pleasant instruction, struction, we have touched upon every situation in which a clean-living, upstanding young man will find himself in contact with a woman. Now, assuming you have absorbed these teachings and made them part of your very fibre, we are ready for The Last Word on this fascinating subject – the handling of women (no pun intended) in the world of business.

Is it true, as so many say, that woman's place is in the home? The answer is a clear "No!"

A woman's place is in her place, and this is true both at home (as we have seen) and in the office.

Friction has been caused recently only because women in business have on occasion stepped out of their places. This has caused untold confusion and mental anguish.

Modern American business is anchored firmly to this principle: it is the man who does the thinking and the woman who does the work.

Indeed, from the very day this principle was discovered, from the day man learned that all the heavy work in a business office could be performed by women at a fraction of the cost, American business zoomed upward. Men, with their hands idle, were free to perform their true function, that of planning and making decisions.

From that time onward, the sky has been the limit. The world has marveled to see this man-woman team, striding ahead together, raising American business to unheard-of peaks.

And it is this team that can – if it will – go on to even greater triumphs in the years to come.

Why is it then that men in business are troubled, worried, beset by ulcers and countless psychosomatic ills?

Because, basically, women began to think.

Once this happened, the whole tenor of American business changed, and the firm foundation on which it was built began to totter.

Thinking women were able to draw on their own crafty, feline powers, so foreign to men, and so dangerous to them. And, unspeakable but true, they actually began using their biological appeal as a weapon in business.

Out of these beginnings grew the woman executive, and it is with her that the male in business must learn to cope – or perish.

A woman executive is any woman who can wear her hat in the office. This is a symbol that she has broken out of her place in the system so wisely drawn up to protect you.

She need no longer work with her hands – and no one needs to be told how dangerous a woman is when her hands are not occupied. She gives orders and competes with men on their own ground. In some cases she even gives orders to men, something that has to be experienced to be appreciated.

It is your duty while in the office to make life as pleasant and as harmonious as possible for the office force, which is to say the bare-headed or non-executive women.

However, when it comes to the woman executive, your mission is just as clear. The woman executive must not be allowed to spring up – and, once having sprung up, must be suppressed as quickly as possible.

There are two main types of woman executive, each demanding separate treatment: (1) the siren, and (2) the battle-ax.

The Siren.

The siren-executive is a woman who combines a certain superficial cleverness with calculated sex. She is not to be confused with the simple, or bareheaded siren, who may be just as appealing, but who uses her appeal in a wholesome way, which is to say for its own sake.

The siren-executive, or potential siren-executive, uses sex the way you would use a meeting or a memo, purely for self-advancement. The really unscrupulous woman can, in fact, do things with sex that you could never do with the very best memo. The shrewd girl chooses her victims expertly and can often rise rapidly in an organization.

The counter-siren is the best defense against her. Find a good, simple or bareheaded siren and install her close to the office of the siren-executive's intended victim. This is known as fighting fire with fire.

It is good to have a girl of your own handy for such purposes.

"Say, J. B., while Miss La Tour is out of the office for a day or two, you can have my secretary –"

"Well, ah, Strong –"

"She's the reddish-haired girl in the sweater."

(Be quick to establish identity.)

"Oh, that one. Well, I do need some help, Strong –"

"Don't say I told you, J. B., but she's been admiring you for months."

If your girl is handy to throw into the breach, you can deal with emergencies quickly. Between emergencies it will be up to you to keep her occupied.

The Battle-Ax.

This ruthless and power-hungry type depends not upon charm or appeal but upon feline scheming. It will sometimes be said of her that "she thinks like a man." This will not be the case. No one but a man thinks like a man.

The battle-ax is not only dangerous. She can, if given the power to hire and fire, change the entire complexion of an office group. Suspicious of sex, she may bring in a different type of woman – and not the kind you would select yourself! Before you know it, the office may become a drab and unfriendly place, one where you will find no solace and little comfort.

Once again you must fight fire with fire, but remember that her fire is of a different type.

"Oh, Miss Axel, I understand I don't need to bother you with the legal reports any more."

"Bother me, Mr. Strong? Why, I've been handling them for years!"

(Be sure you choose a sphere of influence that she has been trying to absorb for most of her career.)

"Oh, then it isn't true! Thought I heard little Miss Breasted speaking to Mr. Biggley about that. Could have been mistaken."

(Miss Axel will deal swiftly with little Miss Breasted. However, if you have selected a protégé of top management, one of the two may have to leave, and it may not be Miss Breasted.)

Basic Weakness of the Woman Executive

There are several weaknesses common to all woman executives. They should be highly exploited.

Mutual Suspicion.

All woman executives are suspicious of all other woman executives. This is because only a woman knows how dangerous another woman can be.

They will never stick together for mutual protection. Instead, they will attack each other viciously if properly encouraged. Encourage them. For example, find an over-lapping of responsibility.

"Uh, J.B., I've decided where we can put the Invoices Returnable."

"Where, Strong?"

"Too much for either Miss La Tour or Miss Axel separately. Thought we'd just let them work together on it."

"Aren't you afraid that –"

"No problem! Regular team, those girls!"

Give them six or eight weeks and you will soon find which one is the stronger.

Lack of Maleness.

For some reason, woman executives – in fact, all women – lack the fine manly qualities of men. Use this against them. No matter what you are talking about with other males, try to create the impression that the woman executive is always breaking into the middle of a dirty story.

For example, if you see her approaching your group:

"Reminds me of that terrific story of yours, J.B. – the salesman, the monkey, and the window shade!"

(Laugh wildly. As she comes into earshot, pull your face suddenly into a mask, nudge everyone elaborately, and say:)

"Now about that financial statement, uh –"

After a while, if she doesn't start to crack up, give her the coup de grâce:

"Now the client wouldn't want me to repeat this, J.B., but he's a man's man, and –"

"What did he say, Strong?"

"Well, fact is he can't speak his mind with women around."

Keep this up and soon the office will be a nicer. pleasanter place in which to work.

Be Considerate

Once you have taken care of the women executives, you will be left comfortably with the bare-headed women of the office force, women trained to be the hand-maidens of the modern business man.

Select them carefully and treat them well and your business life will be both rich and happy.

Always be considerate. Never demand too much.

"My, 5:00 o'clock already! Well, no need to type all those memos tonight, Miss Breasted."

"Oh, thank you, Mr. Strong."

"Any time at all, at your convenience. Just be sure they're on my desk at 8:30 sharp tomorrow."

She'll appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Keep up morale at all times. Remember, a happy office is an efficient office!

Chin Up

And now, as we leave these lessons and turn once more to living and to life, let us hope that our moments together during these many months have made us wiser, broader, and deeper.

Those of you who read these words are now enlisted in our small but growing band of Enlightened Males, spreading our message of hope throughout the world.

If there is one word you can carry with you it is Love and if there is one phrase it is Think of Others – and especially, Think of Women.

Some men think of women from morning to night – and they are happy men indeed.

Our debt to womankind is greater than we will ever know – and if we can but repay one small fraction of it we shall not have lived in vain.

No one but a man thinks like a man.