The Private Life of the Turkey

[recipe_title]Grilled Smoked Turkey Sandwiches[/recipe_title]

Playboy's food & drink editor

The big Turkey day at the end of the month reminds us that some of these gay birds are the most outstanding two-legged philanderers in the world. Hunters report on the polygamous activities observed amongst wild turkeys during the March and April mating months. Strangely, the most sought after mates in the turkey world are not young playboys but old gobblers – patricians who've been around for years and who, because of their experience, cause submissive hens to flock to them in droves.

A male gobbler doesn't want soft lights for his amour. He prefers bright sunlight. From his roost on a tree or fence, he begins his noisy gil-obble-obbleing love call. When a female shows, he spreads his tail feathers in a magnificent fan, throws out his chest, and struts about the area, mostly in circles. This sort of nonsense apparently makes a big hit with female turkeys, and eventually vigorous old toms collect harems covering two or three miles.

At the same time, younger birds can screech their fool heads off without being noticed. In time, some of them will learn the subtle art of turkey love and they, too, will acquire harems. Some never do make out, however, and these sad birds become thin and tough while forlornly looking for a little female companionship.

Polygamy is the rule with domestic flocks, too. Female turkeys become upset when too many males are around. Turkey growers will tell you that one tom to every ten hens causes undue disturbance during the mating season. One tom to every fifteen females not only makes for a more contented flock but also for greater fertility.

In other ways, too, the turkey is a gay bird. Some have been known to enjoy racing, drinking, movies, and adventure.

Racing turkeys used to be quite a sport. In the 1800's, a famous bird named Mad Billy beat all other entries six years in a row on a Connecticut turkey track. He finally lost the seventh year to Long Johnny, his owner retired him, and he was guest of honor at a delicious roast turkey dinner.

Drinking turkeys are common in Central America. The birds are given rum or whiskey just before they are sent to the block for beheading. Liquor relaxes them and is supposed to make them more tender. Normally a few jiggers of rum will get the turkey sufficiently blotto. One frisky tom required a full fifth of Scotch, however. It became a problem of drinking him under the table before serving him on top of it.

The turkey world has its movie stars, too. Though never as famous as Pathe's crowing rooster, Mr. Joseph C.Shaw of Los Angeles owned a bird that earned $15 a day for playing in barnyard scenes for the movies.

And don't let anyone tell you the turkey doesn't love travel and adventure. In the 1850's, American Clipper Ships carried them on long voyages as good luck mascots.

The turkey is a full-blooded American. Ancient Peruvian writings describe the gorgeous turkeys owned by the emperor. It was against the law for common people to eat turkey.

Before the new world was discovered, the fowl was unknown in Europe. The first explorers brought wild turkeys back with them, and Europeans soon domesticated the bird. As early as 1570, Charles IX of France celebrated a feast with a huge turkey dinner. Englishmen also started to breed and raise turkeys on farms. In fact, the first domestic turkeys in America were brought from the old world to the new, where the original settlers were still munching on tough wild turkey taken from the woods.

Ben Franklin suggested the turkey should be our national bird instead of the eagle. Franklin might have had an easier time making his point if he had lived in 1954, which will see sixty-one million turkeys produced on U.S. farms. Even a man with Ben's imagination might have had difficulty picturing the turkey taken from the grass (continued on page 48) Turkey (continued from page 45)range to be raised in confinement, treated with ultra-violet rays and fed penicillin to stimulate growth. In Ben's time, a full grown turkey weighed approximately eighteen pounds. Today, you can buy a bronze giant that weighs forty.

Whatever the size of the bird, a turkey dinner must be prepared before it can be enjoyed, and a man's part in the preparation comes when it's time to carve.

Unfortunately, many a sophisticated fellow has stood at the holiday table, smiling confidently with carving knife in hand, only to discover a few moments later that you can't carve a turkey unless you have a turkey. The amateur carver finds. When he attempts to slice the first delicious morsel, that even a dead bird can take wing, so to speak. The turkey begins moving as soon as he tries to slice it.

The carver may then recall that he is supposed to first insert the carving fork into the carcass to keep the turkey in place. He tries this, but the gobbler continues to slip about the platter. The carver frowns, lowers his head, and tackles the problem in earnest. He jabs his fork violently into the turkey and the turkey slides off the platter onto the hostess' table cloth, or maybe her lap.

Quickly the carver tries to recover his fumble. The mob on the sidelines are shouting and jumping, and when he finally does get the bird back into place, his shirt front is covered with turkey fat and his necktie has, somehow, become caught in the cord used to tie up the bird before roasting.

At this point, the carver may try a Party Joke or two, or mumble something about chicken and how easy it is to hack apart in a couple of strokes.

But the difference between chicken and turkey is, after all, immeasurable. It is the difference between a luscious Latin bosom and a figure suited to the new Dior Look. Even the name of our most popular turkey is voluptuous: the Broad Breasted Bronze. The chicken is nice and inoffensive; the turkey is rich with breath taking curves. If you are served a small portion of chicken, you excuse it, understanding that the chicken is a naturally limited bird. But when the roast turkey is brought on, with its herb stuffing and brown giblet gravy, it is a great mound of joy. A chicken leg is disposed of quickly; the leg of a turkey, however, is a real event. Like a conductor raising his baton, you lift the drumstick in a broad gesture of delight, then munch away for all to behold.

Turkey tacklers who set out to carve the bird would be wise to take a tip or two from the professional cook, who never approaches a turkey unless it is resting on a wooden carving board. The board should be dry and free from grease. Carving boards suitable for home use are available at household stores. One type of board is equipped with chromium spikes to keep the bird from leaving the roost.

Secondly, the professional cook is equipped with a knife that is always razor sharp. He uses the knife steel frequently during carving operations. Thirdly, he keeps a clean kitchen towel within reach to wipe the hands or the knife handle when either become slippery. Fourthly, a turkey, he knows, should never be carved until it has been out of the oven at least thirty minutes. This permits the inner cooking to subside; the meat sets, making for easier carving into clean, neat slices.

Here are the principal steps in carving a turkey:

1. Holding the drumstick in one hand and the carving knife in the other, cut down to separate the drumstick and thigh from the body of the turkey. Let the knife hug the side of the body as it moves downward. It may be necessary to twist the drumstick and thigh slightly to sever them from the body.

2. Cut between the drumstick and thigh. Use the knife tip to probe between the leg and thigh joint. Again, twist the two parts if necessary to separate them.

3. Cut the drumstick in relatively thick slices about 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick. Turn the drumstick around as it is being sliced. Or pass the drumstick whole if someone clamors sufficiently for it. Cut the thigh in slices of the same thickness, cutting around the thigh bone when you come to it.

4. Cut off the wing at the joint which connects it to the body.

5. Holding the bird with the fork inserted in breast bone or keel bone (the very top of the breast) start cutting the breast meat downward in slices about 1/8 inch thick or less. Cut parallel slices, using a long sawing motion with the knife. Avoid cutting slices that are too large in diameter or too thick. Four thin slices taste better than two thick slices. Be sure serving plates or platter are nearby so that the meat can be transferred easily from the carving board.

While the turkey is setting and during the carving process, the meat naturally cools. Be sure that the serving plates are warm, that the dressing is steaming, and that the gravy poured over the turkey is bubbling hot.

For turkey parties, it is now possible to buy the bird roasted and ready for carving at a slight additional cost. Some dealers, in fact, will provide you with a turkey already carved, or the turkey carved with the meat put back on the frame, looking just as the turkey does when it is taken from the oven.

Turkey Sandwiches

For large groups, sandwiches should be prepared beforehand and stored in the refrigerator until serving time. Place the sandwiches on the platter in which they are to be served and cover them with a dampened cloth, towel or napkin.

The butter for turkey sandwiches should be left at room temperature until it is soft enough to spread but is not melting. The butter may be made more tasteful by adding horse-radish or worcestershire sauce to it before spreading. To each half-cup of butter add 2 teaspoons of drained horseradish or 1/2 teaspoon worcestershire sauce.

Never use bread that is more than a day old. If you're using rye bread, be sure it is the sour-type rye, thinly sliced. Spread one slice of bread with butter to the very edge. Drape the turkey over the bread, having it somewhat thicker in the middle than at the edge. Place the top slice on the turkey. Press firmly. Cut the sandwich diagonally. Arrange the two halves so that the cut side shows.

Along with your cold turkey sandwiches serve garlic flavored dill pickles, a big bowl of creamy cole slaw, and huge ripe olives. Open dry light beer as soon as the sandwiches are passed.

Turkey Club Sandwiches

Use three slices of buttered toast per person. Between the first two slices of toast place sliced turkey meat, lettuce and mayonnaise. On top of the second piece of toast place two slices of crisp grilled bacon and thin slices of tomato. Add the top slice of toast. Fasten with toothpicks if the structure seems wobbly. Deliver, along with the club sandwiches, a man-size platter of French fried potatoes. Serve hot, freshly brewed coffee at once and at frequent intervals thereafter.

Grilled Smoked Turkey Sandwiches

Smoked turkey is a prepared product that can be purchased in delicatessens, sliced by the pound. If you like fine hickory ham, you'll love smoked turkey. It should be sliced paper thin. Like ham and cheese, smoked turkey and cheese are natural partners. Between slices of white bread place sliced cheddar cheese and sliced smoked turkey. Butter the outside of the sandwich generously with softened butter. Place the sandwich on the grill and close it. Serve at once with shoe string potatoes and mixed ale and stout.